Cardi B and Offset are the latest celebrity couple prepping to walk down the aisle. When videos surfaced of Offset proposing to Cardi on stage during their Powerhouse performance in Philly, it wasn’t long before the social media world offered congratulations to the couple. Amidst the congratulatory posts, rang loud admiration for hood love, belief that one can find love with self- acceptance, and from women, both single and taken, the question as to why the men in their lives have yet to pop the question.
Cardi B and Offset’s engagement comes, to our knowledge, after less than a year of dating. The two were first linked on Christmas Eve of last year when she released a teaser for the “Lick” remix, a single off her Gangsta Bitch Music Vol. 2 mixtape, which came out in mid January. They made their first public appearance a month later at the Superbowl, days before Cardi sent her boo some Valentine’s Day love in an Instagram post. After months of initially avoiding the question and downplaying their relationship in earlier interviews, they showed up and matched each other’s fly at awards shows and NY Fashion Week. Since then, the couple has used social media to document as they shower each other with gifts, reunite after time apart, support each other’s careers, and display some PDA. While the depth of their relationship was unknown to many, Offset got on one knee just days after Cardi blamed him for stealing her favorite purple blanket, broke up with him and later begged for his forgiveness.
Cardi is not the first to snag a ring within months time. There was Rob and Blacc Chyna, Mariah and Nick, and Khloe and Lamar. Though some of these relationships didn’t work, the engagement raises up an insecurity or level of frustration from women who have spent more time in their relationships, but are only wishing for the day they become one step closer to being a wife. Fortunately for us, the engagement and its accompanying commentary, also provide us with a few lessons some of us could potentially benefit from.
1. Stop the comparisons.
Cardi and Offset’s newfound commitment, like many other idealized relationships we see on social media, often trigger in women a doubt about the status of their relationships. The origin of the frustration, however, indicates one of the biggest problems with social media: comparisons.
For many women, Cardi and Offset have been deemed “relationship goals,” meaning they find various aspects of this particular relationship so appealing that it has become an example of the companionship these women one day aspire to be in or want their relationship to be. Unfortunately for some, the obsession with these “perfect” couples consciously or subconsciously influence the women’s thoughts on what may be already fine relationships. Men find themselves subject to the pressures of newly formed deadlines and ultimatums and/or having to answer questions like “Why don’t you ever post me as your WCW?”
The problem with these comparisons, though, is that they are not based off 100% insight into these utopian relationships, but rather the parts they WANT us to see. Unbeknownst to us, a lot of these “ideal” pairs could very well be going through daily arguments, dealing with insecurities, and/or are victims of domestic violence. Even if paparazzi had unlimited access to these lives, comparing two or more relationships will always be an apple to oranges comparison because no one person/personality is the same. Learning to be content with your situation, despite witnessing the trajectory of other relationships, is key. There’s nothing worse than watching the same relationship you idolized flourish, while yours becomes nonexistent.
2. Men typically know when they’ve found the one.
In a generation that normalizes situationships, women sometimes find themselves in years long relationships with someone who knew all along that it wasn’t going anywhere. Offset putting a ring on Cardi’s finger proves a theory I’ve heard every now and then since childhood: Men usually know when they’ve found the one, sometimes, sooner than women themselves notice.
We live in a world where it’s not uncommon for people to want their cake and eat it too. Some men aren’t ready to settle down, so they do the bare minimum to hold on to their women while they buy as much time as they possibly can. Others know, but refuse to let go of the benefits that come along with a title.
3. Have an honest conversation beforehand.
As much as physical attraction plays a huge role in dating, it is important to have conversations about your future. Does your potential mate believe in marriage? Is that something you’ve always dreamed of? While you may withhold your questions and refrain from disclosing your values and beliefs in fear of running someone away, the safest bet is to lay your cards out on the table and accept the cards that have been laid out. Don’t make excuses for your current or potential mate and secretly hope things would change. The truth is, at times the information is all there. We just have to read into it.
Moral of the Story: Cardi B and Offset may be one of the hottest couples out right now, but don’t let that distract you from the fact that their relationship will never be yours!!