I was on the phone the other night when my male colleague asked me this question: “Why are women attracted to dogs?” From his perspective, women willingly turn down the nice guy to deal with men who they are very much aware are players. It took me a while to reply because I wanted to stray away from answering as myself. I wanted to give a general response, one that would represent a majority of those women in the world that fall into this category. I then realized that there is more than one answer and the best response would require me responding from the perspective of different women.
For the purposes of this article, I have separated women into the following categories: Miss Bad Boy Lover, Miss Dick-Whipped, The No Self Esteem Girl, Miss Scared of Lonely or More, Miss I Was Raised like This, Miss Love is Blind and Miss Fix It.
Miss Bad Boy Lover is that friend in the bunch who is attracted to that guy she knows her parents would never approve of. He breaks the rules, calls his own shots, and has confidence makes him seem like a sexy boss. Not to mention, he has swag out of this world and he hangs out with the crème of the crop. Most girls who fall into this grouping get a thrill off the thought of being with such a popular guy. When the opportunity presents itself, they don’t hesitate to accept the offer of being this man’s main thing. The issue with this is that the same things that attracted their attention has also garnered the attention of other girls. They show interest, men become tempted, give in, and what do you know, he is now what we deem to be a player. By this time, the girlfriend has somewhat become addicted to her status, so she stays in the relationship to fight for her man to be monogamous, all while trying to prove to everyone else that she is wifey. The realest thing a guy can tell a bitch is I have girl. If he can’t tell people he is in a relationship that is the ultimate sign. Keep in mind, there are men out there who have no issue letting others know his status. That does not exclude them from having a whole bunch of side chicks. At the end of the day, these guys are trying to have their cake and eat it too. See that and let it go. There is no use in fighting for someone who you have to share with others. You’ll just end up looking dumb and the embarrassment will be intensified due to your man’s popularity. It’s not a good look. Do better.
Miss Dick Whipped is all in it for the lust. She knows her man is two-timing, maybe three timing but the sex is nothing she’s ever experienced before. Every time she tries to leave, something keeps pulling her back and that thing, my friends, is that good old D! Ladies, it is important to know that great sex does not equate to a great relationship. Do not fool yourself into accepting your man’s foul behavior simply because he can satisfy you sexually. Think about it. If the sex is one of very few positive attributes your boyfriend brings to the table, then you are settling. You deserve way more and will find a man who can provide a sense of satisfaction in more than one aspect of your life. If he seems to fall short in the bedroom, then speak up and tell him what you like. Teach him how to please you. After all, no one knows your body more than you do.
The No Self Esteem Girl is just that..a girl with little to no self-esteem. Whether she is fat, doesn’t like her short hair, isn’t a fan of her eyebrows, for some reason she doesn’t believe she is beautiful and undermines her value. Being in a relationship for her makes her feel good. She is willing to settle down with a fuckboy because she genuinely believes that is all she deserves or the best she will ever get. For these kind of girls, the road to recovery pretty much depends on the person. Learning to love yourself in any and every situation can be an easier process for some, a more difficult process for others. Whether you lose weight, pamper yourself, or point out one positive quality about yourself every morning, it is simply about mentally rebuilding yourself, embracing your insecurities, blocking out any negative people and let’s not forget, stopping all comparisons. That helps to build some self-confidence. Beyond that, understanding that God made you the exact way you are helps build God-fidence.
Next on the list: Miss Scared of Lonely or More. Miss Scared of Lonely is either the girl who jumps from one relationship to another, the one who falls for anyone way too quickly, or the once single friend who forces herself into a relationship with the first man she sees because she’s tired of being the only one in the group without a man. These girls simply need some No-Men in their circle of friends. They need friends who will not hesitate to keep it real and tell them about themselves. Let them know they are not any less for being single and they need not compare their lives to everyone else. If not that, some therapy or a good heart to heart can help get to the root of why it is they are afraid of being alone. To the women who like to be independent, take matters into your own hands and take the necessary steps towards learning to enjoy alone time. Go to the movies, read some books, have some you time.
Miss Scared of More is afraid of leaving her relationship due to surrounding circumstances. There may domestic violence issues, financial dependence or children involved. The girl being physically abused may not necessarily admit to her traumatic experiences so it’s important for her close ones to pay attention to the signs. Bruises, excuses, a man with a temper …that is code for “I NEED HELP.” Whether she chooses to be honest or not, the goal is to help her get out before things go all the way left and result in a critical injury or far worse, death. To the girl who is financially dependent on bae – Come on now! It is the 21st century!! Women are on the come up. Forget what men may tell you..you are very much capable of making your own money and standing on your own two feet. Ace Hood said it best when he told us “closed mouths don’t get fed on the boulevard.” So stop sitting on the couch, get up and get your life….Oh, and in regards to the women with children, you all should never subject yourselves to infidelity and horrible treatment from a player. Your children will grow up to see this and it can have a negative effect on their lives. It’s better to co parent from two separate homes than to have one big broken one.
Miss I Was Raised like This unfortunately grew up in an environment where she has no positive male role model. Every man she knows has in one way or another mistreated women. So she subconsciously chooses men that emulate this behavior. Once again, honesty and therapy may prove to be the best solutions to this problem.
On to Miss Love is Blind. As we all may know, guys don’t always present themselves in the way they would like for us to perceive them. Most times their portrayal is far from the truth. It’s only a matter of time before their true colors come out. By the time he proves to be a player, their girlfriends become blind to the truth because they have already fallen in love. They try to justify unjustifiable behavior and secretly spend the relationship wishing for the return of the man they initially met No Men..where are you? If you have any friends like this, then duty calls but be sure to present information in a way where they don’t feel like you are hating on their relationship. If this doesn’t help, they will be stuck having to learn the hard way.
Last, but not least, I present to you Miss Fix It. If I were to put my old self in any of these categories, it would definitely be this one. Now Miss Fix It is the friend who believes that they have the ability to change a man for the better. While some women actively attempt to do this, other women like myself believe they are such a great asset to the man’s life that he will notice, appreciate and want to change for her. The reality of the situation is that no one will change when and how you want them to. They will change on their own when they are ready to. You may be a great person, but not the one to trigger change for the man of your dreams.
So it’s obvious that no matter what kind of girl it is, there are various different reasons as to women tend to make the mistake of dating the wrong guy. It sucks because we all end up getting played by someone we know had the capability of playing us. We wasted time on someone who wasn’t worth our time. What we need to do is learn to stop discounting ourselves and learn to sell ourselves as the valuable people we are. If someone can’t meet our standards, drop them and wait around for the next guy. And for those who have already experienced heartbreak from an ain’t shit nigga, consider it a lesson learned. Hopefully amongst those people is someone who can channel their pain into music and become our next Adele!